Name: DECKER
Occupation: Gravity-defying skate punk
Height: 5’10” of pure adrenaline
Special skill: Airborne acrobatics (just don’t ask for finesse)
Appearance: Teal fur-ball with two yellow horns and a cap addiction
Personality: Go big or go home – there’s no in-between for this dude
Region: TBA (Totally Bitchin’ Area)
Skating Style:
Decker’s riding style is like a planet that’s gone rogue – all chaos, no chill. On ramps, he’s a middle finger to gravity, pulling off stunts that would make physicists weep. But ask him to do anything precise, and suddenly he’s got two left feet (and hands… and maybe eyes).
“My footwork’s the worst in the universe, but that’s my signature move, baby!” Decker boasts. Ironically, his clumsy foot-fumbling has become a cult phenomenon among galactic skaters, dubbed the “Decker Shuffle.” It’s like watching a giraffe on roller skates – painful, yet oddly mesmerizing.
Current Obsession:
Our boy Decker scored a VHS tape from some cosmic pawn shop – a relic from 1990s Earth featuring Plan B skaters. He’s been glued to it like a UFO to a cow pasture, totally star-struck by the mad skills of one Rodney Mullen (aka Florida’s Skate Wizard).
“Someday, I’m gonna be a cool ‘weirdo’ just like Mullen!” Decker vowed, practicing flip tricks with the determination of a Jedi and the grace of a drunken Ewok.
Will Decker’s unholy fusion of the “Decker Shuffle” and “Mullen Magic” revolutionize skating across the galaxy? Or will it just result in more spectacular wipeouts? Only time (and possibly a few broken bones) will tell.
Remember, kids: In space, no one can hear you bail… but they can definitely see it, laugh, and put it on GalacticTube.